I’m hoping that this will not just be a rambling musing. I have a lot going on inside me as the divorce was final this past Monday. It was the first time I have seen Kristen since mediation back in May. I didn’t want to see her really. I guess I just didn’t want this to be real. I was glad to see her, though. I miss her. I miss her friendship along with everything else. She was my best friend. Does she even deserve that anymore? Probably not, huh?

I’m having a bit of a rough time coping this week. Feelings I thought long suppressed have risen again. Obviously I have been upset. How upset though? I was divorced on Monday and getting a date with a stranger on Tuesday. Gotta say, THAT was weird. To me anyway. Seems like I’ve been all over he place.

Is this the end?

I tend to think so. People keep pushing out all the platitudes… “It’s never going to be over as long as you’re both still alive there’s a chance.”, “You never know what the future will bring.” & other similar such drivel. I don’t know how much belief I have that though. I do know some people who have gotten back together after a divorce. I mean I DO love her. I know she knows. Before and during all the paperwork we talked and laughed and such. Before I headed to “my” table, I kissed her cheek and whispered, “I’ll always love you. Take care of yourself.” It was all I could do to keep composure. All she could do was look down. Maybe for the same reason. Of course, that’s all conjecture. Of course if it ever came around again, we’d probably “talk”.

The Beginning?

Maybe it’s time to pull myself up and enter another chapter. Like I said, now I’m trying to date other girls. I have gotten more than a few bites on my line. Weird timing, but damn good. Trying to put myself “out there” is some scary shit after being hurt the way I’ve been. It’s hard to get rolling but I’m figuring it out. We’ll have to see how life plays out now, huh? I’m not telling you what most of you don’t already know, I know. But it’s my blog. It’s called UltimateSteve not Ultimate(You), so deal with it.

Or Something Else Entirely?

Honestly, I just put this into the title because I thought it sounded good. While I was thinking about this, the thought “What else is there besides the beginning and the end?”. I decided that there’s a whole lotta middle. So, I’m gonna try to go out and explore “something else entirely”. I’ll let you know how it goes.